Thursday, May 31, 2012

Children Today in This Generation Eat Slop

Just about everything in the store for children to eat is not suitable or healthy.

Going Pink for Charity

Race for the Cure in Lex KY

I am up early and it is a comfortable 60 degrees outside.
I feel tired and I will do some more constant chores today. Normally I find time to relax between chores but I pushed a little harder yesterday to relieve my family of the ever present dust bunnies that has settled into our home.
I feel good mentally and physically.
We stopped leaving cat chow outside; the dogs were feeling welcomed and this is not their home; mom has a kind heart and does not like hungry animals, so she feeds them.
We found out that the dog next door is in heat and that is drawing the dogs here.
I went back to bed and got up at 0700; fed the cats and enjoyed the morning outside.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Human Being is No Longer Separated By Groups

We are now one group living on the Planet Earth. We have tried to separate us into groups and we can not do so any more. Those seeking war are intermingled with everyone else seeking peace.
I saw this morning that some country wanted to control the Internet for the planet earth/or as they said, "Let us be the hub that all websites come from."
That's a "Ooops", "Dag Nabit", "Gee Gollie", "Upsy Daises" and a "Oh Shit?!"

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Pack of Dogs

I went out on the deck this morning and sat on the deck chair and there was one small dog just sitting by the steps. I looked up and four other dogs were gathered around our Canna's. I chased them away and looked at the dish of food mom had placed out there. It was half gone. As I went in our home I noticed a smell and that smell was on me as I had rubbed against a post at the pool where I had checked the pool temperature. I will wash the deck this morning of that smell of dog spray. The temperature was 80 degrees.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Mom and I spent the morning outside with the cats and the birds.
it is heating up out there and soon I will remove the cover from the pool and maybe enjoy the pool.
We are inside and relaxing.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day
 Rebecca Diaz

Good Morning; MotherKitty (Laurel Rose) is off work today and will enjoy the day with maybe a cookout. I will remember my mother who gave her life for me and my sister.
 Rebecca Diaz (my mom) just disappeared!
It is a new time this morning, a new awakening. The sun came over the morning horizon in this new moment and I think that is good; I celebrate the good morning view from my eyes and emotions.

Mom's Final Resting Place

I will remember Memorial Day as the day of the mother/soldier. My mother fighting off my father to defend her children from the great war in our family only to disappear
beyond the thoughts of this nation/man.
I will remember all mothers who fight off the drunken rebel and the tyranny of their broken lives.
I will remember all the women and men who fought and died in the struggle to stay sane in our world gone mad.
I will remember Memorial Day as the nation of men and women who died fighting off the tyranny to make our country free from the evils of mankind.
Our Gererations of Love comes streaming through the Valley to our Hearts.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Good Morning,
I was out early and sat outside on the deck and watched the planet grow in the area where we live.
The birds were active and the cats were alert and hunting; I had eaten and was just watching the planet.
We just got out of the pool; we went in just after the Indy 500. I enjoy auto racing and NASCAR is just getting a start. Early on we were outside on the deck then mom starting doing some heavy searching in the 1940 census; she found my mom's family and my dad's family in San Gabriel and Pasadena; she had some good luck even though I think the census takers were given some not so well data from our family. They said my mom was 16 in 1940 but I am sure she was 18 at the time; or maybe they just collected the data a couple years earlier and just wrote in the date (1940) Los Angeles is big.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Good morning,
Mom (MotherKitty) and I are going to get some more Pine Cones; they are on the ground a local store parking lot where Kitten Yarns children got them two weeks ago. Mom says that ours has soured and all the seeds are gone off the Pine Cone.
I feel good this morning; mom is fine.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Good Morning,
I have a water line leak on the pool lines I have to work on this morning. The temperature outside is 72 degrees  at 0630. That seems about normal for our tomato plants that love it steamy. 
Kentucky raises great strong tomatoes because of the high humidity; they thrive on it starting at the end of May; the middle of May they get their footing into the soil and by June their in heaven with the high humidity.

Our pool solve that problem for us as if we get overwhelmed by the humidity we jump in.

I will stake those tomatoes at the end of the month; the Zinnias and Marigolds are for the insects.

I walked away before I have to buy all new fittings and not have anything to swim in.
This is a good example of common sense.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

This is my daughter"s father in Law. He built our pool.

Good morning,
It is very nice outdoors this morning; it is sunny and about 68 degrees at the moment, breezy going to strong winds this afternoon and high temperatures in the 90's.
I feel very good this morning, it is an awkward feeling after losing a younger step brother.
Mom and I were out on the deck and she took photos of her plants and our wild bird food sunflower.
While outside I put more food in the bird feeders. We have a finch feeder and a big bird feeder (Black birds, Woodpeckers and Cardinals). The feeders are eat if you can without being cat food. Our cats are excellent hunters and the birds know it. I think I will put my tallest feeder in the garden where it is fenced in. At the moment I cannot get to it without taking it down.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Ideal is a nice word

My time on the planet earth is ideal. Sometimes I want but I have learned that wanting is dangerous.

If you look up each of these words, "ideal" and "want" you can understand my concern.

My step mother Margie was an excellent housekeeper. When I met mom I loved her intelligence and her families strength. I did not marry a housekeeper.
I did not have a prepared list as to whom I would marry. It was love the one human being your with.
Mom was lucky or unlucky and that is only a point of view.
If love and understanding was what you saw then that is what is there.
My mind was not in a heavenly list nor was there any outside interests. Mom was there and she was loved.

My only preconceived notion was wealth and that shared.
It is time to clean the pool.


I went back to look at words I looked up and I could not remember what they meant. I have a blog of words I see in sentences and I look them up. I understand what they mean when I look them up but I cannot remember from day to day what the word means tomorrow. 

Some things I remember and some things I have no clue as to what the pulpit is going on.
Someone is going to tell me that pulpit does not belong in the above sentence and I am wondering why the world is so defined?
There are tools on the planet earth and languages are tools to define sounds made by animals.
Sometimes books define an emotion or carries a story farther/further than a weekend.

Today I clean up on chores I missed yesterday and put my garden supplies away. I will shock the pool, it is a weekly chore to keep it sparkling clean.
I may go out and cut more mulch.

Good Morning,
Yesterday we went to Murray, Kentucky to see our granddaughter dance in another recital. This time it was tap and ballet. I had a great time as I watch those children on stage do their thing. The small children made you giggle inside and then we looked at our granddaughter with pride as she excelled with grace and beauty with her fluid movement.
I could not take pictures with my camera and neither could mom with her camera. There will be a video and then you will see Dancer Girl.
Mom took the photo in the dark and I lightened it up. That is our granddaughter in the foreground pointing toward a beautiful place on the planet earth.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

It is a beautiful day outside this morning; I went into the pool yesterday to clean it and the temperature in the pool was 80 degrees and the outside temperature was also 80 degrees. I asked mom to come in and she just sat.
At the moment it is 55 degrees outside but under the pool cover it is close to 80 degrees. I will turn the heater on after mom goes to work.
I planted a perennial and some Marigolds in the garden for color plus they draw the bugs to them because bugs love Marigolds.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

I Am and Successful

It is 62 degrees outside this morning and our pool is 78 degrees covered. That is good because I can jump into temperatures like that but mom will not. I have other chores to do for the day. Yesterday the grandchildren came by for a visit as Kitten Yarn had a luncheon to attend to here in town. Her friend (best friends growing up) is a good writer and was honored at our local school for her determination to succeed. She left southern poverty behind to become successful.
I will go out and mow about 0900. That is when the excess dew on the lawn is absorbed into the air the rest has gone down into the depths of the soil. After that I plant two perennial butterfly bushes by our shed and flowers in the garden to draw the honey bees into the garden (Marigolds and Zinnias).
We can tell a human being where they are but they may never see until they see.
The planet needs attention from me and I am responsible for this space provided. It is not much but it is what I care for and nourish.
I have about half of the yard mowed. I came in to cool down; it is about 83 degrees out there at this moment. I am having a glass of lemonade mom and the kids squeezed last week. It hits the spot.
 did a little hoeing in the garden and planted two butterfly bushes; I just found out that mom bought another perennial that needs planting. I will have to ask where she wanted that plant. I did not plat the Marigolds or Zinnias as my big body just gave out.
Just resting and waiting for mom.
I uploaded some photos to Face Bouquet (FaceBook).

Friday, May 18, 2012

The Smith Tower

This link is the lobby of the Smith Tower where I worked before going to Tolstoy Farm.

This link is the Chinese Room up atop the Smith Tower

The Smith Tower History

The furniture in the Chinese Room was placed there when the building was built and cannot go down the elevators. It is Black Teak.
Every morning I sit and wait; sometimes life just is in mind and sometimes chores engulf the world I enjoy. I never know what the world will bring to my minds door step.
The other day I explained to my granddaughter about blood flow and constriction as in if blood flow is constricted it is sometimes painful. We are not talking about large veins we are just talking about small areas that swell.

Good Morning is a Sautation

Good Morning: an expression of greeting, goodwill, or courtesy by word, gesture, or ceremony.
I think of Buddha often just sitting and waiting. He knows someday he will understand; so he sits in ceremony.

And when I think of Buddha I think of Kyle and I and the story that goes with ceremony; as in Kye and I sitting here on the walk (at that time there were no tourist; just Kyle and I alone) and enjoying a ceremony of an orange and a bowl of rice with miso.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Danzon Cha

Mom told me that a Danzon Cha starts out slow then get faster.

I feel good this morning.
My grand kids covered a pine cone with peanut butter and the rolled it in bird seed and then we hung it up for the birds to feed on. It has been a major success.

Beef Grades

I was talking to a friend who worked in the meat industry and  asked if there was any place in town to buy Prime beef?
He said that we could not afford it or raise that quality of beef in Western Kentucky.
The best we have is Choice beef and it varies as to where it comes from?
A few select farmers raise their own beef and kill it themselves in town for personal use and their beef can be Prime beef but then again you could not afford to buy it.
One thing we do have is Amish grass fed beef and I have no clue as to it's quality or taste?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Mothers Day

Good morning,
It has been cool every day this week and our pool is not warm enough to swim in. Kitten Yarn's kids were checking it every hour in the last four days they have been here and they have had no luck in warming the pool. Mom hosed them down yesterday with the garden hose.
It rained the first two days they were here and it was cloudy the third day. We had sun yesterday but that was not enough to warm the pool.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Good Morning,
Our daughter Kitten Yarn came home for Mothers Day with the children.
It rained overnight an it is about 61 degrees outside. Cloudy and misty could be the word of the day.
There are two bouquets of roses on the mantel. One for Kitten Yarn and one for MotherKitty.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Good Morning,
I feel good this morning; my back is sore.
I put together my own home made solar pool heater since my old one had a leak that could not be fixed. My new heater uses two 100 foot black garden hoses and it worked so well I added two hoses that I had hanging in the garage (a gray one and a green one( they are both smaller in length and worn pretty badly)). The cost was the platform (which I already had from my old solar heater) and the fittings from 1 1/2" PVC down to 3/4" garden hose fittings and the two 100' . My new system can be put away for the winter very easily.
I had to add a union because the brass hose adopter was fixed and did not swivel.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Growing up in California

Good Morning,
I feel good this morning; we have blue skies outside and a temperature of  47 degrees.
Indian Corn
We ate Indian Corn at my dad's parent home, it was always in a hot kettle on the stove. Indian corn is hard and  chewy and not soft like sweet corn. Indian Corn is colorful, sweet corn is yellow.
I never had a complaint about Indian Corn. I never thought that yellow corn was a better corn; it never entered my mind.
Today the only time I see Indian Corn is Halloween. I guess I will have to raise some to eat.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

We are shaking the windows!

I am watching the Eagles Farewell Tour.

Good Morning,
It is cool outside and I am happy that I covered the pool. I had two reasons for covering the pool,one was tha it keeps the pool warm and two the cover needed washing and that is a good way to do that as the flowing water under the cover scrubs it in it's normal operation. All I ever need to do is flip the cover at least once a week. This week end I will flip it back over.
My prayers go out to my friend who had a serious operation and was in tremendous pain after the operation this last week.
I feel good this morning, mom is off today and she said she finished her historical project for our daughter and son. I read it and I was in tears after reading it. It is part of our family history and it is true and factual.
It was 57 degrees outside this morning. The sky is blue and clear, the birds are at the feeders. I steel hear the humming and the water falling in our aquarium. Most of the cats were out last night being cats. Some of the cats go after ground rodents and the young cats go after crawdads. Mice and snakes just stay away from our area of the planet.
Our garden is doing fine, the fence is keeping the deer away though it looks awkward in the yard.
I tilled the garden just a few minutes ago and moved all my tools into the woodshed.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Good Morning,

I have been busy, washing bedding, dishes and cleaning the pool. I came in because I clotheslined my forehead and wrenched my back. You never know, I was wearing my hat and watching my footing and did not see the clothes line.

I will rest a bit, I am not tired or sore just upset and my back feels wrenched.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Kay, Marta and Virginia
A Story about Marta: 65 years ago in Pasadena California my hair was long in a Buster Brown Look which was the rage in those days. I had dimples and looked cute. So one Holoween Marta and her sister Ray dressed me up in a 5 year olds Easter Dress mildly painted up my face and put black patent shoes (Mary Jane's) on me with white socks so I looked like Shirley Temple

We went trick or treating and they told everyone everywhere we went that I was to shy to dress up in a costume. We had fun that night with a lot of great laughs and I filled my bag with treats.

The previous photo had a Halloween story and so does this photo. When this photo was taken in Lexington, Kentucky. The home had an upstairs with a window that overlooked a dead end street. Mom had a album of creaky, creepy sounds and we placed the speakers in the window and play the music. We darkened the home with an orange light on the porch. My sister Sandy powdered my hair and stuffed a hump on my back; made a rope chain and tied it around my neck as her leash to lead me around while I shuffled around to the door with a tray of treats. She scared my face and said to the children," Don't mind him he's harmless?" At that time in my life I had a snaggle tooth.

Here is a description of me before the haircut, shoes and new clothes.
What did Tomas look like in late 1967?
Picture a farmer with his rubber boots shoveling crap out of a barn. Remove the farmer and leave the rubber boots with the dung standing in place. Place Tomas in the rubber red balls. Place some orange corduroy pants on Tomas, they are a little to small and short, there is a gap between the bottom of the trousers and the red ball rubber boots. A leather belt with a harness buckle made by  lovely Sylvia. Put on blue check long sleeve cotton shirt, the shirt you would see on a lumber jack. Find yourself a army wool blanket grey in color, wear it like Ming of Flash Gordon days of gone by. Place the cape on Tomas, beg one of the girls at Morningstar for a patch to place on your wool cape. The patch is only one of many patches being sewed together to make Lou a quilt.
Tomas has black/brown hair, he stands in his outfit, his mustache too long and gross, smiling with a silver tooth bright next to empty space. He is agile, passive and aggressive, hard working and stoned. Dip him in some dirty slurry and rinse as best you can.
Now we have a gentle creature, he is very happy to meet you, very happy to know that you are alive. He is very happy to receive the crumbs on his plate. He worships the ground he walks on.
He is only one, there are many more like him, they are all different and unique.
I worked on the pool yesterday and it was tough going. I am wore out; I may do just a test on the water condition today.
Good Morning,
I am wore out this morning.
I little prayer and concern for my friend who is having a serious operation today. Very serious and very technical.
It is over but the pain is making life uncomfortable.
May the strength of god overcome the pain or make life bearable. May you ride the bull and make a good ride today and tomorrow.
Family understands even though they try to bear/share the pain with you.
The cat is trying to rub against me as I type, I petted her.
I am very far away but I am mentally trying to ease the day for us.
May you inner strength of body and mind love thy self and family.
Our bodies work very hard in times like this; we are sharing the peace, hard work and pain brings. This is the time our heart pounds against the walls of our bodies carrying blood, working cells and energy to our bruises and healing them
Our cat says she has four legs and can run faster to help you; our cat purrs..
I talked to Sandy and Ron. They were at the hospital; they were tired and ready to call it a day as Sandy had stayed overnight with her hubby. She reported that everything was better than expected; but tough times were here.
I little prayer and concern for my friend in the hospital.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I feel good and I do believe it is a good morning. I have not listened to any news today and as far as I am concerned the planet is doing fine this morning. You may wish to march and or to speak out and that is our right and not a privileged.
Anyway I feel good and the pool is coming along nicely; mom just works a half day today and she may see me in the pool this afternoon. It is 85 at the surface and 82 below the deck. Being cloudy today the pool will not warm by the sun but maintain the temperatures it has had for a couple of days now.
Mom has some historical data I asked her to fix up for my daughter and son; I had asked for a paragraph or two but she has studied it from all angles and has at least a dozen pages prepared and that is the only way she can do something.
The weather man said that some folks got rain and others did not; we got the rain here at home.
I am part of the era of thinking that this planet is our heaven on earth and the planet should be taken care of and enjoyed. Flower Power.
I will protect the land I have from chemicals and thieves, I will enjoy and nourish what is here; if the worms want to make fertile soil then I will help them with organic matter.
If you can remove the salt from sea water and water your garden then do so, the moisture from your garden will rise and rain will fall elsewhere;  you can beat the desert one yard at a time. Israel has and so has Las Vegas.
I have lived long enough to understand that the church wants money and control of humanity. I remember that the Jews were turned away from the United States during the Holocaust. I remember the Catholic Church did nothing about Hitler. I remember the South being free with signs saying, "Whites Only". I remember my friend Emory with a chip on his shoulder (my first Jewish friend). I later met a Jewish Princess who loved life and taught me to do so. I remember, "Little Richard" being so talented he got nothing; I remember Joe Louis living in poverty. I remember Mahatma Gandhi living in peace with nothing. I remember Ayn Rand with the overpowering steel and stone. I remember Michelangelo loving, chipping, carving and polishing marble.
I remember all the images and deities and Marilyn Monroe.
This morning I saw Alice Walker and Laurel Rose.
I just cleaned half the pool. This is my third day of cleaning the pool; the first day it was green and singing, yesterday it was dirty, today it is cleaner but still a little dirty; I may jump in today.
I just cleaned the other half of the pool. I will let it warm up a bit and do so other chores before getting in and placing the steps in with those hand rails. I think it a little to cool for mom but you never know?

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Good morning,
We have overcast sky and a male Tom Cat outside who is a bully. I played the bully and chased him off the deck. No matter what I think about sharing the wealth the male Tom cat thinks only of himself.
I hear thunder.
That is almost like the Old Testament where the Power is in the head of the home. Sharing is only after he gets his.
I belong to the new era of thinking where the wealth is divided equally as in a chicken in every pot.
I belong to the new era of thinking where woman is equal and does not succumb to the male head of the home.
I belong to the new era of thinking where law is decided in the court ( mom, dad and family) and not the dictate of the male head of the home or religious bullying.
Mom was showing me a photo of her great grandfathers grave. She said during the revolution in Russia all traces of the grave were wiped away.
She is writing about that now.
I am making a monument to her parents Sara and Jack.

I wrote about those missing graves; at the time it was my mother who was the subject of this writing.

It is still thundering and cracking and now raining; no wind.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Singing and dancing, spinning with joy. The melody grasps the ear and mind with comfort and pleasure; your friends and family smile; the pleasure is understood.

I am going to have a swimming party in August and you our family are invited in person and spirit. We will dance in our minds and swim and splash in/with pleasure.


I am cleaning the pool at this moment and it may be warm enough to jump in; mom said it was yesterday.

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?

A: To try to forget.
Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.

Cinco de Mayo

We have rain, thunder and lighting; it moved some things (trash can, flower pot) but it looks like it will end soon. 3/4 " of rain fell last night while we were sleeping. That is great for the yard and garden; I know the farmers in the area were just hoping for just any type of precipitation. That 3/4 of an inch was three (3) times what we got last April of 2012.

The Run for the Roses is today and I think the track may be wet, muddy or very firm.
I cleaned the deck of dust from mowing yesterday and of bird seed; the birds are picky and they scatter seeds (not this, not this, oh just right). Mom cleaned and refilled the nectar bottles for the Hummingbird; we have three of them (two out back and one up front).
I feel great and my nose is trying to clean up some debris in my head; there is dust in our home. I have some wet projects I can do.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Good Morning,
I was active all day yesterday but without any strong physical activity. Today I mow the lawn; the lawn has not grown much and it is a activity that is more for the neighbor hood than it does need mowing. To me it like paying a tax for the city to provide me with a road at my doorstep.
I was thinking that the affluent in our society want something for nothing which has changed as in it used to be that  the poor got food stamps and wages for being poor now the rich want most of that money to store in off shore accounts.

My New Formula

1960 = Big Corporation = 500,000 employees paying Federal Taxes

2005 = Big Corporation = 500,000 employees paying No Federal Taxes

I do not know how many Big Corporations there were in 1950 or do I know how many Big Corporations  there are today.

I do know that they left the country for cheap labor.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Who knew?

Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose..

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost
instantly-even though the product was never advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes...... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409.. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure.. Cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic..

Vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process..

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief.... it's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

Keep a pack of cigarettes and bandage in your car for that insect sting. Moisten a pinch of tobacco with saliva and place over sting with a bandage. As the tobacco dries it will draw out the poison and the Nicotine will ease the pain.

If you send this to one person who doesn't know about this, then it was worth it