It is very nice outdoors this morning. Very green and remarkably colorful. I mowed a few days ago and as I did I thought of our neighbor who passed away. It was just the way I was mowing. One day he is out working in his yard and the next he will never again.
Most of the time I am very insensitive but on some occasions I let go. My mother opens the door. Her memory is not there or just a image of her is not there. She was cut from my life as easy as if you took scissors and skillfully cut her out of the picture. I do not remember If I cut her out or my brain cut her out. In my mind it is only speculation.
Sometimes we do things without thinking as in the picture at left. There is more to the picture but I will never see it. At one time in my life my dad showed me a picture of my mother and a picture of him at CCC camp; they were in an album. I was living at the home in the picture when he showed me the album. There was even a picture of me with long hair between two bronze shoes on the mantle in that home at left. Those photos were skillfully cut out of my life as if they never existed.
Some days are sad in a comfortable way, not a depressive way, just a day of good lost memories.
Why is it that sometimes you cannot cry when somethings happen and other times you do. I call it callous but in my mind it is not callous. Maybe it is just a cold hard callous heart but I know in my heart it is not so.
I think maybe it was like being in a war at age three.
We lost the orange kitten (not the calico) to a internal bowl infection. We are sad.
We lost the orange kitten (not the calico) to a internal bowl infection. We are sad.
we are sad here, too
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